Deflation

I used to lift weights. I doubt this is a secret to many who know me. I got into it, made it a regular practice, but didn't work at it nearly as much as people assumed. Things got weird when guys I was loosely affiliated with began to ask me about "programs" and what I do to maintain, and what my diet consisted of. These really did happen to me, I'm aware of how strange it is.

Well, the maintenance has derailed a bit. I haven't worked out regularly in nearly a year. I look at as another piece of growing up, but perhaps that's taking the easy way out (even though that I learned in Rocky IV, there is no easy way out. anyway-) No, there's got to be more to it, so let's analyze it:
In looking back at my image, through photographs and my current mirror, I've concluded that I did it for fun, to see how far I could push myself, to see what I was capable of, and to maintain a healthy lifestyle. I also did it so I didn't have to watch what I ate that closely, knowing that my calories would be burned up after an hour of good repetitions. I liked it, too, because it gave me an added confidence boost. I think anyone who lifts weights regularly will admit to this. As a student, I thought it would be a super idea to have a strong mind, and a strong body, and it's safe to say I attained at least one of the two.

Yes, I even kept the Henry Rollins short story entitled "Iron" posted on the inside of my closet door, like I would have done with my football locker or something. I used a yellow highlighter on the opening that says "I believe that the definition of definition is reinvention. To not be like your parents. To not be like your friends. To be yourself. Completely." I still like this quotation, and use it for reference when I'm looking for inspiration. But these days, there's no time. I look at guys now who are huge, and think to my self, man, if I had the time...
-or-
Man, that guy must have a lot of fucking time on his hands.
But I'm still myself: Tony v. 2.0, perhaps.

I wasn't Schwarznegger or anything, but I was big, and I realized that I had outgrown my tshirts and nothing American Apparrel could offer would suffice for proper skin coverage. Vintage stores are not kind to anyone who wears more than a size M, so it was always a struggle to stay in post-adolescent fashion. Due to working long hours and finding time for personal interests and social engagements, I've deflated, and I'm cool with it. I ride my bike a lot now. Not in the Chicago cold, but usually. I'll have to pick up some treadmill during the 8 month winter here. I pay $80 per month for a gym membership that I actually use once a week, if I'm lucky. And when I'm there I can't wait to leave. It's funny how we outgrow things.
I never want to be perceived as vain, and I suppose these words are some sort of explanation for my previous image. Yet I forever want to be healthy, so I'll continue to work out. Just with less time spent pumping the iron.